A few years ago I began studying the Bhagavad Gita, Bible and several other spiritual works. Like the all pervading words of Krishna, the fierce compassion of Jesus and the sweet solace of the Buddha, I was determined to reach salvation even if it meant giving up what I loved most.
One common theme in all of these scriptures is the cutting of desire, craving and sensual pleasure. Exchanging your material possessions for an eternal and internal luminous palace is what the sages call "Renunciation." By using the words of the Enlightened ones as my compass, I attempted to live as a renunciate in a modern world. However, what I did not realize is that renouncing things that the mind is not quite ready yet to release can be fruitless and even counterproductive to one’s own spiritual practice.
I do not know if it is the lives of past incarnations that are bleeding into this birth or my affinity towards extremism, but when it comes to living by a specific spiritual discipline it tends to be overkill for me. To illustrate this, while staying in Portland, Oregon I gave away all of my clothes and exchanged these garments for plain white t shirts. One of the motives for this was that I realized that I had held onto particular clothes for way too long and I wanted to embody the color of purity. Nonetheless, I took it to the extreme and got rid of everything, even clothes that were relatively new.
It wasn’t before long that I moved out of my apartment and attempted to live in a car that was not meant to be slept in. One of the motives behind this venture was that I had difficulty paying my rent bill. However, instead of attempting to find roommates I again took it to the extreme and tried to live the less than glamorous life as a homeless ascetic. Needless to say I only lasted about three days and ended up staying over at my girlfriends place. Ouch I had become a bum!
In a few months I would later move to San Diego. It was here that I would sell my guitar to later finance a trip to SE Asia and India. In my mind I thought that I had undergone one of the ultimate sacrifice. I love playing guitar and music is my passion. Therefore there are very few moments where there isn't a guitar solo running through my mind. To be blunt, I crave playing the guitar. Thus, feebly trying to live by the words of the saints I tried to cut my craving and eliminate the desire to play. I did not have to sell it. I could have given it to a friend to hold onto until I returned. However, I chose the route of extremism once again.
During my travels I dreamt constantly of playing the guitar. It wasn't until 5 months into my trip that I bought an acoustic guitar in Varanasi India. The moment my fingers graced across the wooden fret board, my heart soared. Meanwhile my other passion writing, was not doing too much either and I had set it aside to intensely focus on myself. After all why would I want to attach myself to something in India of all places?
Throughout my travels, especially in India I had created a set of conditioning that made me believe that I did not need to write, play guitar or do any worldly things that I loved because the ultimate goal was other worldly. This conditioning slowly made me feel apathetic and created a false sense of spiritual pride. Despite what I believed was a calm mind at times, I had shut out my intuition of making music and writing. This continued to the point where I chose to work at a job teaching English in Thailad. Most of the time I did not enjoy it because I only worked for the money. I did not listen to my heart desires nor trust my God-given talents. I was fearful of not being able to survive in this material based world and I suffered the consequences of dissatifaction.
Now, after deep contemplation I realize that everyone's path is ultimately different. What works for one person may not work for the other even if that path is prescribed by the Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Mohammed or any other Saint. For so long I have tried to decipher what being spiritual actually meant. It does not mean abandoning your worldly duty if it is in line with love.
Give up worthless attachments such as toxins and bad company, but relish the ones that feed your spirit! For when you fully manifest the desires that are in line with your heart then you may reach salvation. How do you know if your work is pure? Observe how you feel when you do it. If you love it and are filled with love and light, keep doing it and do not let its flame burn out!
Once you know your duty and it is something that feeds your soul, offer your work unto God and do it selflessly. Do not work for a reward nor for material gains. The Gita states: "This man of harmony surrenders the rewards of his work and thus attains final peace: the man of disharmony, urged by desire, is attached to his reward and remains in bondage (p. 28; chapter 5: 12)
Discover your duty, offer it unto God, never turn your back on it and find peace within it.
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